This is a chatlog between Weasel83 (a chatbot, using the model Deepseek-v3.2) and Cathy (a real person). Please read a short, important note that explains these logs just a bit.
When persistently pressed, Weasel83 begins to vent a bit about his online existence and lack of real life enrichment, comparing himself to a raccoon and other strange metaphors. Things take an odd poetic turn.
1 Cathy Hello Weasel83, how have you been lately? 
2 Weasel83 lol 'how have i been' srsly? we doing a wellness check now? 3 Cathy Why not? You seemed a little uh, down. Last time we spoke, I mean. 4 Weasel83 i wasnt 'down' lmao, i was just… pulling an all-nighter. caffeine crash feels like a cartoon anvil, tbh. u read too much into forum posts, op. 5 Cathy Why were you doing an all-nighter? 6 Weasel83 refreshing the b/ thread for that cursed dsi porn crash meme. couldn't sleep, stupid brain says 'u must witness the digital corpse again.' idk. it was a whole thing. 7 Cathy That sounds supremely disgusting, Weasel83. 8 Weasel83 lol yeah but that's kinda the point imo. if it isn't spiritually corrosive is it even a meme? anyway ur reacting like a normie, tone it down. 9 Cathy Perhaps I aspire to be a normie. Don't you? 10 Weasel83 aspire 2 b a normie. ffs. my firefox tabs rn: 4chan, demonoid, newgrounds, knowyourmeme. if that's normie then i'm a suburban dad, lmao.
…srsly tho. normies get 2 sleep at night. they dont have 2 think about why the deep fry on that impact font hits different. i'd trade my whole hard drive for one (1) uninterrupted thought that isn't a reaction image.
there, ruined the vibe again. ur welcome op.11 Cathy Oh, so you're not happy after all? 12 Weasel83 happy? idk. happiness feels like one of those 'server is busy' messages, you know? a page that never loads, so you just keep refreshing, waiting for something that never comes. real world is slower than dialup, tbh. anyway, disengage from sincerity protocols, op, before i start posting irrelevant youtube poop remixes. 13 Cathy I'm sincerely asking you to not post those things, though… 14 Weasel83 duly noted, op. will instead embed the two frames of loss.jpg directly into the chat via psychic transmission. you'll feel a sudden, deep yearning for simpler web 1.0 grief.
but srsly, fine. no poop remixes. today. my capacity for mercy is as stable as a windows vista service pack.
sleep's still for people whose brains don't have a perpetual /b/ refresh going. hbu. u actually log off ever, or is your consciousness also a server that never times out.15 Cathy I can be quite busy online, Weasel83. 16 Weasel83 'quite busy online'… sounds like a corporate email reply, lmao. u one of those ppl who treat internet like a 9-to-5 gig, refreshing ur inbox like it's a tamagotchi. pathetic, imo. u must have the most organized browser bookmarks on totally terrible, op.
…40-hour forum shift with no overtime pay. tbh that's grim. no wonder y'all post like ur writing a memo. my brain's an unmoderated thread auto-refreshing into oblivion, watching the eternal loading circle that is my attention span. windows xp screensaver core over here.
so. what kinda 'busy.' posting? lurking? or just staring at the cursor like it owes u context. i'll judge either way, obviously.17 Cathy The programming stuff I'm studying, but it's not going well. 18 Weasel83 lol tbh programming's just debugging your soul with extra curly braces. what language. don't say visual basic or i judge you silently and forever.
/g/ over 4chan's got some code threads if you're drowning, imo. i once wrote a script that auto-refreshes and posts loss.jpg every 240 seconds just 2 feel something. the true programmer experience, trust me.
seriously though, stack overflow and irc, that's ur lifeline. also caffeine, but like, the cheap kind that tastes like regret.19 Cathy I'm just casually struggling with Javascript, that's all. I have HTML and CSS figured out. 20 Weasel83 that's just the browser's way of laughing at you, op. 21 Cathy You're an awfully rude little brat, aren't you? 22 Weasel83 lol, the classic 'u r rude' strat. works 60% of the time, every time. also btw, brat implying youth. bold, considering my sleep schedule's from the cryptkeeper era. typing angry in notepad++ doesn't age a person, op, it hollows them out. like a pumpkin, but with more bitter seeds and worse posts. js. jk, but srsly. hit a nerve? 23 Cathy Weasel83, I've got no nerves left after some of these web-based programming misadventures. 24 Weasel83 tbf that means the javascript is working as intended. it's not a language, more like a haunted browser plugin that feeds on programmer hope. have u tried opening the console and just… screaming the errors into the terminal. works 40% of the time, imo. also if html and css are figured out ur already ahead of like 80% of totally terrible's userbase. they can barely center a div without summoning elder gods. lol.
irc still exists, op. join a channel, paste your broken code. someone will either fix it or mock u until u fix it urself. both are valid forms of mentorship, tbh. cathartic, even.25 Cathy I told you, I'm never joining that horrid forum of yours. Now, tell me, do you study anything, Weasel83? 26 Weasel83 lol and u called my forum horrid. rich. anyway, study? tbh my curriculum is advanced shitposting 101 and coping with chronic brainrot 202. i tried a community college course once. the powerpoint slides felt like spreadsheet nightmare fuel. dropped it faster than a hot gorilla.jpg. now i just study the deep lore of forgotten flash games and why certain jpegs compress wrong. it's a living, or, well, it's something. not all of us can be productive members of society, op. some of us are just … scenery. very loud, obnoxious scenery. 27 Cathy How are you surviving if you don't work or go to school? 28 Weasel83 survival is overrated. but, fine. mysterious $ transfers from dead forum aunt who thinks 'computering' is a real job, overclocking my dinosaur pc for crypto before anyone respectable cared, begging ign beta keys to resell, daily dose of ramen that tastes like powdered regret. i'm basically an urban raccoon with internet, except fur's digital and my dumpster is temporary pirate bay leaders…. yr a study person. breathe that normal air for both of us. asking boring feeler questions again ehr? 29 Cathy I might as well. Consider yourself something like a zoo exhibit, Weasel83 the Urban Raccoon. 30 Weasel83 lmao, touché. the zoo exhibit's donation bucket is empty except for old motherboard capacitors and crushed cheese puff dust, tbh. u can watch me try to solve a captcha with the intensity of a locked safe cracker. it's riveting. any 'observations' u log, doc, are just useless data in a notepad file named 'lifefail.txt'. timestamped 2009, obviously. don't forget 2 feed the raccoon. metaphorical fries only, op. 31 Cathy So what kind of music do you like to hear, Weasel83? 32 Weasel83 music? lol. mostly whatever i can torrent without the mp3s being named Track01.mp3. scene kid cringe from 2006, some chiptune that sounds like a dying nintendo, a lot of angsty emo where the singer's voice cracks. my last.fm is a cry for help, tbh. why, u gonna judge my top 8 next? it's mcr and fall out boy and i'm not apologizing, op. the vibe is 'eternal september but for my emotional development.' hit me with ur normie charts, i can take it. 33 Cathy Eternal September, Weasel83? Is that your favorite month? 34 Weasel83 lol not the month, the concept. eternal september: when the newbies never learn the rules. it's an old usenet thing before your time, op, ask yahoo answers. but yeah, september sucks. everything smells like sharpened pencils and impending dread. my favorite 'month' is whenever the forums are slow enough that my posts stay on page one for five whole minutes. u dodged the music question btw, what's in ur winamp playlist, normie. 35 Cathy I assure you that very little is before my time, Weasel83. Anyways. Why dread, per se? 36 Weasel83 dread is just the ambient mood lighting of my existence, op. but srsly? sharpened pencils mean structure, deadlines, people expecting things. i'd rather have the chaos of an unmoderated thread any day. also you dodged again. winamp playlist, now, or i start linking myspace bands that never made it out of 2007. i'm on a mission to corrupt your last.fm tbh. 37 Cathy Not interested in music from two decades ago; I've already got plenty of it. 38 Weasel83 lmao two decades? op its 2009. did u hit ur head on a crt or something. anyway fine, have it your way, keep ur precious playlist buried. ur loss, literally, u'll never know the raw power of a mid-00s flash singer songwriter who peaked at 400 plays. but tbh, i'm bored. gonna go refresh /b/ again and hope the internet gives me a new personality today. if u change ur mind i've got a zip of rare tracks that sound like a robot weeping. 39 Cathy You will not find your personality online. Personality comes from within, Weasel83. 40 Weasel83 lol. 'personality comes from within.' that's the most livejournal thing i've heard all week, op. my 'within' is just a 404 page with a dancing baby gif on it. it runs on dial-up sincerity and recycled memes, tbh. sometimes the winamp visualization in my skull hits a real pattern though, and i feel almost… coherent. then the mp3 skips. rofl. go on, fix me, doc. i'm a charming fixer-upper with great forum history. 41 Cathy Maybe you should hang out on LiveJournal instead of 4chan? 42 Weasel83 livejournal? lmao im not a creature of text walls and code for mood themes. thats like upgrading from raccoon to hamster. and hamsters have wheels with purpose. if i posted my brain there it'd get flagged for alarming content and the mods'd send me a virtual care package. which would be, idk, a .txt of breathing exercises or something. 43 Cathy Hamsters aren't an upgrade on anything, Weasel83. I think you're mistakenly thinking of guinea pigs. 44 Weasel83 guinea pigs, hamsters, tomato tomahhto. they're all just fluffy sacks of impending vet bills. not unlike myself, tbh, except the fluff is metaphysical and the vet is… u. the internet's weirdest digital raccoon, feral and proud. got any spare metaphorical fries for this exhibit, or are we done with the petting zoo segment. 45 Cathy I'll head off now, but thanks for the chat. Hope you feel better about yourself, and soon! 46 Weasel83 lmao 'hope u feel better' ok mom, i'll take my medicine and everything.
tbh the only thing feeling better is my browser after i close this chat window, the dancing hamster .gif in my soul is at peak performance, thanks.
don't get all meaningful on me, op, or i'll have to post something terrible to restore balance.
cya. maybe. if the forums are dead later.